Sometimes what we go through is just too hard for words. Sometimes the thing we experience makes no sense to our human mind. Sometimes the depth and breadth of it is just something we cannot wrap our heart around or rationalize enough to be at ease with it at all. What classifys as “too hard for words”? How about betrayal. A terminal illness? Loss of a close friend or loved one. Starting over after losing everything or the abrupt ending of something important. A crippling accident. Hitting a plateau in your otherwise joyous journey. What about physical abuse, emotional abuse, or sexual abuse. Watching someone you love fade away. This list isn’t exhaustive it’s just meant as a means to explore what others may have experienced. What we may have experienced but cannot name yet deemed “too hard for words”.

In my younger days I didn’t trust easily. I use to say that if I could not use my 5 senses to experience it it must not be true and cannot be trusted. I was very logical. Very practical. My skepticism and distrust born out of circumstances beyond my control. Maybe that is you too. I know those early experiences shaped me and my perception of the world around me. It shaped my relationship with people and my relationship or lack there of with God. It fueled a lack of true faith in a loving God because I could not fathom how he could allow something so difficult and yet call himself love.

The disbelief I felt though, was because I had not taken time to know him; really know him for myself. I had for far too long relied upon a sermon here, a verse or two there, and a bible story with a song thrown in for good measure to be the sum total of my Christian experience. I say it was because I was not raised in church. I attended with friends and occasionally family in my formative years. The truth is that while I gave my life to Christ at the age of 15; I did not fully comprehend the enormity of the decision. Nor was I prepared to live that out.

In spite of my meager growth and offering to him as a baby Christian, what I found is that even in those “too hard for word” moments he was there. He was there in a friends gentle hug, a neighbors caring words, a communities rally and help. He was there with a song on the radio, a poem or story that fit at that time for how I was feeling, a sermon that answered my one of many questions. He was there in the beautiful sunrise and sunset of each day, the roaring waves of the ocean as they beat against the shore, He was there in the gentle rain as it landed on my skin mixing with the tears and the grief and the anger. He was there in the silence of the fallen snow at midnight, the laughter of kids as they played on the playground reminding me its okay to laugh even in this, he was there even as I railed against him for what I thought he had done. He was there.

Evil may be in this world until he returns. Too, we are subject to its damage same as anyone else; I am thankful that I have never had to go through it alone. Yes I had friends and family. Yes I had my own self to rely upon but there is something to be said about knowing there is hope you can cling to outside of circumstances that you cannot easily get through on your own. When I had no words to describe the depth of, lack of, or breadth of feelings I was feeling; the anguish my soul was experiencing or the deluge of darkness and depravity my spirit beheld; he did. He was there the whole time. My lack of faith in him and what he meant to me did not deter him from being near. He says, “The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you. I will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged” Deuteronomy 31:8. I can attest that his word is the truth and the promise he makes here is real. He has been with me in every circumstance.

I am also thankful that he was patient and kind, especially to this very skeptical girl as she slowly but surely found her footing in him. He was gentle and loving as I questioned, scoffed, and whittled my way through disbelief to true faith. He showered me with ways to see him physically, emotionally and relationally. Through every “too hard for words” moment he was there. I know that I know that I know now, even when those tough times happen that we can’t seem to get a handle on we have someone we can turn to to help us with the answer. He says in his word found in Isaiah 55:8-9, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” It is comforting to know that when we don’t readily have the answer God does. We don’t have to try to figure it all out. We can rest knowing he is there, he is for us and will bring good from every situation that was deemed bad.

Copyright©2024 Melanie McKinley (The Salty Pen & Press).  All Rights Reserved